Instant Gratification | Valentina Duracinsky: Instant Gratification

April 4, 2012

Instant Gratification


Hey everyone,

I probably won't have much time to write many posts this week. I'm quite busy... Well, I could find the time, but I have other priorities. Which is a perfect segue for what I want to talk about.


I went to this really interesting lecture the other day called Getting more done by slowing downIt was incredibly interesting. 
She said something sooo true.. People say "I don't have time" all the time, but it just means something else is more important. I've actually always been aware of that. You make time for what's important. 
I love to be there for people. When someone invites me to their concert, I will be there for them. If someone tells me to listen to their show at 5am, I will get up. If my best friend wants to Skype even though there's a 6 hour time difference between Paris and Massachusetts, I will find time. The problem is that we procrastinate soooooooo much... How much time do you spend on Facebook? Twitter? Tumblr? Pinterest? YouTube? StumbleUpon?
So the lecturer just proved my point. There's always time. Unfortunately, priorities are sometimes screwed up. That reminds me of when I would ask my ex (who I doubt will be reading this, so it's okay) if he wanted to hang out during the weekend, and he used to say "I'll see if there are any parties/if my friends are doing anything, and then I'll let you know." At the time, I didn't really realize how unbelievably unacceptable that is. And it makes me so so so sad because I should've been stronger and I should've broken up with him but I just waited and waited and waited, getting hurt all the time. I tried to be nice to him, thinking that my good behavior would rub off on him or something. But the truth is "Sometimes we expect more from others because we’d be willing to do that much for them." And I hate it sooo much, because... it's not fair. It wasn't fair back then and it isn't fair now. And I guess that scarred me, because I don't like letting people get away with it. Putting me last on their list of priorities, I mean. I don't know if I'm too harsh about it now, but I really don't think anyone should feel unwanted or unimportant. My feeling is... I'm not an option


At the lecture, she also talked about cellphones and iphones and ipads and ipods and laptops and computers and aaaaaaaaah all of that! We're constantly talking to people, searching for something, listening to something. People expect us to be available 24/7. It's all about instant gratification. Personally, I hardly ever take my phone with me... When I'm hanging out with someone, I think it's incredibly rude for them to be on their phone the whole time. Multi-tasking... is a myth. You cannot CANNOT text and listen to someone talking to you at the same time. You cannot work and watch a TV show at the same time. What you're doing is switching tasks every few seconds or minutes, but you work WAY slower and you're just not as good. And it's not nice for the person you're with. 
Another piece of advice? Turn off your phone when you go to bed... You're not supposed to be available 24/7. I know a lot of people who pretty much live with their friends. They can't spend a minute alone... I need my alone time. Lots of it, really... And I think it's perfectly fine to like to spend time with yourself. Not that I don't like other people! I certainly do! But... I need alone time. You're reading this long-ass thing, thinking I must be super talkative... but that's only 1/2 the time. My favorite feeling is having a great friend I can just be silent with. There's nothing wrong with silence. 


Last night, I went to Self Defense and we ended up talking during the whole class. It was fun, but also funny because lately I've been feeling like I really need to lose some weight and I thought "Perfect, a work-out tonight!" But we sat in a circle and just asked the teacher about her life. Instead of homework, she just said "Love yourself this week." 
But, you know what? That is homework. I bet we all spend a lot of time thinking negative thoughts about ourselves and others. Be positive... I mean, I'm having a hard time staying positive this week. But I'm tired of feeling emotionally exhausted. It's not worth it. 
Hey, you! LOVE YOURSELF THIS WEEK.

One of the (older) students in Self Defense said "Don't plan your whole life out, things change." I almost cried. I have a hard time with that, because I like plans, I like to know where I'm going, I like to know that nothing bad is going to happen to me. The teacher said: "Learn to ride the waves of emotion." Man, that's a hard one. Because when you're down, it's really hard to think "It's okay, I'll be okay soon." But you will. If you're crying now, you'll be smiling soon. Just "keep breathing"!

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I also talked about how my mom always says: If you want to change something about someone, don't go out with them and think you can change them (apparently women do that all the time). A person has to want to change. If you can't accept them the way they are, DON'T. DO. IT. Run the other way. It won't be right. I mean BIG changes. Things you know you won't be able to live with. 


(187 Quote. You don't have to agree with that! I know many don't. It just goes well beside the thing I wrote. I know a lot of people want to "have fun". Personally, I've never had fun dating/in relationships. It's always ended in tears and sadness. So I'm not particularly a fan of the whole 'dating for fun'. I doubt it would be fun if it weren't something true. These things just don't seem to work out for me. If you're like me and you feel that no one will ever love you, snap out of it. Now, I know I should take my own advice, but HA! It's f**king hard now isn't it. All I know is that you have to be yourself. Be the best version of yourself. Just because people don't treat you right, doesn't mean you should give up on the idea of treating people right. Someone out there will appreciate your efforts, your love, and your true self and will want to do the same for you. Until then, I don't know. You're young, free, be happy. Right? Someday someone will love the fuck out of you.)

My teacher also said: Go for your dreams. Don't just take a job for the money. It won't make you happy. Go for what you really want. The money will come. Somehow. Life is hard enough, make it worth it by doing what you love. [ Don't worry, be happy. ]

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Something else I learned this week... 
Learn to let go. It's incredibly hard, I know. But learn to let go of whatever or whomever is making you unhappy. It is/They are not worth it. If people are made to be in your life, they will be. There's a difference between letting go and giving up. Even if they feel the same. 
Also think of this quote though: "Never let go of anything you can't go a day without thinking about." If I take that advice, then I'm pretty much f**ked. 

 (<--I think that's a very interesting quote.) 

I'm aware of how annoying I am sometimes. I like to think that we all have our faults (...) I can be extremely dramatic. But I don't realize it until waaay after I did whatever dramatic thing I did. And when I get mad... man, that can just be hell on earth for everyone involved. Again with my stories, I think it's because I put up with all my ex's crap without ever getting mad at him because I thought we'd break up, and I thought he'd give up on me, and he'd get mad and all.. But now that I think of it... Is that not the most absurd, irrational, STUPID thing ever?!! If someone puts up with all your crap, then don't let them go because they're not giving up on you


On the same note, I also think that a wonderful thing to believe is this: 


It's just... comforting, no? I don't know. It reminds me of The Notebook (Hello, are you telling me "Oh, but The Notebook is just a movie, it's not reality, you're just in love with Ryan Gosling"? I am aware, thank you!) Just because it was "meant to be". And it's easy to let go of stuff when you think "Well, a true love story never ends." Maybe for a while, you'll HOPE that it's going to work out, and then, with time, you just forget about it, and stop caring and... it wasn't meant to be, so there you go! You're fine in the end. Not just in Relationship-type situations. I know it sounds like I'm just talking about that. You'll be fine in everything. Which reminds of this: 


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Love, Freedom & Truth,
V.


PS. See, I found time to write this post.





3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wise words for such a young lady

M. Touhey said...

I arrive at the end as I began---the journey is home. Good discourse Valentina...food for thought:-)

Taylor said...

Wow long... but good words to keep in mind !

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