December 31, 2013


So how has it been going?

I was doing so well in September and then... things got a little out of hand. I didn't have the same self control anymore and it really bothered me. Every week, the number on the scale went up just a little bit. Now I'm back to where I was at the end of July, I would say. I haven't weighed myself in a while, I really hate to see all that hard work go to waste.

What do I regret? Nothing. Just kidding, I regret a lot. I regret that time I ordered chinese food to my dorm and ate so much I almost couldn't move. I regret all the candy and gum that made me feel bloated. I regret eating in front of the f**king TV almost every night. I regret all the late night snacking. I regret buying all the bad food in the first place: if it's there, right in front of my face, I'm obviously going to eat it. I regret not going to the gym as much as I did in September. I regret always filling up my tupperwear with dining hall food "just in case" dinner wasn't enough, putting it in my fridge and usually finishing it. I regret always giving into temptation and grabbing a cookie on the way out. F**k.

I say this after a crazy night in with Kady, eating too many crêpes with Nutella (and once the jar was empty, maple syrup), drinking countless cocktails - mango daiquiris, margaritas, screwdrivers, and some shots of tequila... at least we danced a little (but not enough to burn off the calories). We both woke up at 5 this morning – we were suffocating in a room that was too hot. It's 8AM now, I hope she's fallen back asleep, poor thing. I was laying in bed, and when I put my hands on my stomach, I immediately got up, put my sneakers on and went for a run. It was strange being up early enough to see the guys at the market setting up their food stands, early enough that the bakeries were all closed. It felt good. It felt strange, sadly. My muscles haven't enjoyed the pain of working out in too long.

My biggest mistake while I was at Smith was buying food. Now, I don't regret going to Haymarket with Aaron or Thai Garden with Zehra, or getting lattes while I blog or study or read. I don't even regret the amazing éclair Aaron was so sweet to get me (that you saw here). Those times are always good for the soul. But buying food at the store was a mistake. I would get "the yummy stuff": yogurt covered pretzels, dried mango, banana chips, pumpkin granola, chocolate candy bars... things I honestly thought I could just have in my room and occasionally eat as a nice treat. Thing is, I can't do that. I can't just have one.  Next semester, that is over. I will have four things in my room: tea, coffee, energy bars and dark chocolate. I've never snacked on an energy bar – THAT, I've got enough self control not to do. Those are good if I don't have time for lunch.

In the past three months, I've been the skinniest I've ever been. My mom isn't too happy about it, praying for my soul, and telling me to see a nutritionist. That's not fun to deal with; you really don't want people worrying about you. The truth is I liked myself at my thinnest. I had just started ballet and felt as light as a feather. I could work out longer, and my body was full of energy, and my mind was so clear. I was eating only when my body wanted food. I never felt too full or too tired. It was a different mindset. A minimalist one, really. It was wonderful. THAT is what I want again. And to me, that is completely healthy.

I definitely believe I can get back to where I was at the beginning of September. I will get my self control back, and start working out again. Most importantly, I will listen to my body (right now it wants coffee). I try not to see the weight gain (minimal really, I shouldn't make such a big deal about it) as a failure, just a new beginning. That's the beauty in life, isn't it? You can screw up, and every morning you can start over and do it right. Just don't leave it to tomorrow. Do it now, eh. Vx

December 26, 2013


Ballet 1 Ballet 2 Ballet 3
furry hat thing: gift from mom • coat c/o Tulle • ballet flats c/o ShopAdorn

Photos courtesy of Alexandra Brooke photography

One last outfit from a couple weeks ago when I was still in Noho! When Shop Adorn contacted me about some of their products, I immediately knew I'd go for these ballet flats! They fold in the middle so they're easy to take with you anywhere, and they are just very ballet – which is why I went for the ballet positions in these pics haha. Vx

Here are some more stuff I like from their shop: blanket / tights / bag / skirt / coat / dress

December 24, 2013

DEC 24

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I hope everyone is having a fantastic holiday. Then again, I hope your whole year is great. There is too much stress going into this time of year. A time where we are supposed to be jolly and have the time of our life and get everything we want... I think it's better to just relax, spend time with the people you love, laugh a lot, drink a lot – like any other day, really. This year, Christmas is spent with my dad, so there's no tree, and very little evidence there's a holiday going on at all. There are a few things that make this Xmas special for me this year. One: I get to spend it with my best friend, Kady! Two: we are going to make a delicious dinner tonight, and some crêpes for brunch tomorrow. Three: I'm in Paris. 

We just came back from a week in Tuscany, so I'll be sharing some pictures soon! But you can also check some out on my instagram.

1. beautiful Florence // 2. the sunlight // 3. my dad in Italy // 4. my friend Kady in Paris!

December 16, 2013


Hello from Paris! I'm finally here. Well, I got here on Saturday, through Iceland, just like I was supposed to, really. I didn't get much sleep on the flight and I was tired when I first arrived. However I didn't fall asleep until after 4:30AM last night. Now it is noon. Jetlag, why... Yesterday I spent the whole day with Kady, my best friend at Smith who has been in Paris since September for her junior year abroad. I've missed her so much so it was so exciting to get to see her again! I know I didn't blog much these last few months but I promise to try to blog more regularly from now on! Vx

December 13, 2013


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sweater: Croft & Barrow • jeans: Pacsun • necklace c/o Chandler the Robot • wedges c/o Blowfish Shoes
Photos courtesy of Alexandra Brooke photography

I write to you while wearing that exact sweater from a comfy apartment in Boston. I spent the night on Nikki's couch and we had a great time, watching Love Actually (it's that time of year) and talking. She gave me access to her fridge, and I made the most amazing kale and chicken salad. I also ate a whole lemon with salt. It was delicious. In two hours a taxi shall come get me, take me to the airport, and in the blink of an eye, I shall be in Paris. Vx

December 11, 2013


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Often I feel like my music career is over - and it hasn't even started. It's moments like these that remind me why I love music, and how much I really want it... and that I'm probably not crap after all. I love it, love it, love it. Aaron, (pictured above) sold me my lovely guitar (not featured in any pics here) a year ago. Finally we have started hanging out and playing some of my songs. It's fun. (hat in picture three - Thom Yorke, get it?) Vx

December 10, 2013


It is quite possible that I have shared Radiohead's Lotus Flower video before so I will share two today just in case. But the truth is I absolutely love this song, this man, and this dance. Lotus Flower is perfect. Yes, everything about that video is perfect. I hope you enjoy it. The second is by Olafur Arnalds. It is beautiful.
I share these videos now, 10AM, 10 minutes after I finished my last exam - hallelujah! All I have is one more paper to write... One more, that is all! I can do it, I can do it... Last night I danced with mister Thom Yorke to feel better. Dancing is great, you should do it. Vx

December 8, 2013


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dress: Mango • tights: how in the world should I know? • shoes: André

Photos courtesy of Alexandra Brooke photography

I've been very busy. It's finals week and I've had some trouble trying to sit down and study and write papers for more than 5 minutes without dying of boredom. Here is an outfit from back in September. Thanks to Thanksgiving and some unhealthy eating habits, I have put on some pounds since then. Damn! But I will look like that again, oh yes. It's too easy to let myself go here... Hope everyone has a great week! Vx

December 2, 2013

POEM - W. H. Auden

The More Loving One

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

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