memories | Valentina Duracinsky: memories

November 10, 2017


Simone Valentina

I haven't posted much on the blog in general, and the last time I posted about Simone was in April or so. If you know me, you already know this: Simone passed away on June 25th. I can't go into the details because the pain will come back to me and I will feel it just as I did that morning when I got the call. 

I just want to say... God, I don't even know what I want to say. I thought about her constantly for the first few months. Not an hour went by when I didn't feel her absence. I've pushed the trauma of losing her way back in my brain. But the first few months I had flashbacks that felt like punches to the gut.  Now I think about her every day but I'm able to smile and focus on the good times. There is nothing I can do to bring her back, and I've accepted that. 

She was my everything, my baby girl, my angel. And I took pictures of her ALL the time. Some people probably thought I was too obsessed with her. I was obsessed with her, and I loved her more than life. And some people hate when people take way too many pictures and film everything. They tell them to stop, "enjoy the moment." Sure, I get it. But now she's gone and at least I have over 1200 photos and videos of my baby. I can relive so many moments, and I love it. I love that I have it all. I love keeping vivid memories. I mean, I have over 25 (!) journals, from the age of 8 till now. I love remembering the simple, most mundane moments. And it's the same with photos. I have it all and I'm so grateful. 

It's hard not to talk about Simone. Sometimes I think about her and just want to share my love for her like I used to. This time last year was our first week together. She was teeny tiny. She was so adorable. I would do just about anything to still have her today.

I guess I just want to remind you to cherish your loved ones. I know it sounds corny. But my god, if I had known I would have so little time with her, I would have taken a million more photos. I would have given her so much more chicken. I would have shrugged off more of the peeing incidents (she was a baby!) I would have spent more time focusing on her. I would have told her I loved her a trillion times more.

I love you, Simone! 

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